contending with the return of a lost future
Martha! This is such great news. I’m so happy for you.
And thank you for sharing how you’re processing all of this. You always bring such a powerful no bullshit perspective and create such open space for all of us to live and see and talk about the actual lives we live. You’re a treasure and I’m so glad the world gets to have you around longer than expected.
This resonated so deeply - I was also given the potential of ‘future’ despite a weird incurable cancer at my last oncology appointment in Feb this year and my ground is wobbling … I don’t remember what this means and yet don’t know this unexpected version of myself … my first response was ‘fuck-so what do I do now?’ I love the version of me that lived dancing with death-so she is coming with me wherever I go…thank you for the words
Beautifully written, as always.
I’m so glad that you get to have breadth and depth in your present continuous.
In 2015 in my graduate class we questioned the notion of celebrating remission and calling people warriors. We said most chronically ill people would have rather never went through it; and to say they are victors assumes they walked into their illness when in fact they just had to accept.
Yesterday I was thinking about a looming major life change (I called it a disruption though 😂), and I thought ‘I stopped being afraid to die after my second surgery and I live with pain and tribulations, as well as joys, so this change will just form part of the chorus in a life I’ve come to smile about often’.
This speaks to me, thank you 🌸.
I wish you peace as you learn to dance along these newly opened pathways of your life.
Congratulations. You’ve come so far and helped so many with your incredible insight. I wish you beautiful, open paths to wherever you decide to go.
What a powerful piece you've written, Martha. Such hard won wisdom that conveys the truth that there's no going back to who we once were in the aftermath of the insights we've gained following a life altering experience. Your ability to stand in your truth is incredible . . . and incredibly thought provoking and inspiring.
I have been reading your posts since the early 2010’s. Your writings back then helped me navigate through a divorce. Thank you.
I didn’t expect we would share a similar life journey years later.
I feel you completely.
Dying to Be Me, by Anita Moorjani is about the journey of the author from cancer to near death and back. Recounting what she learned and how she lives now because of it.
She succinctly sums up our current station in life with a somewhat unique, yet simple, but not so worldly, way of continuing to live forward.
I encourage you to check out this simple read.
“There was nothing I was required to do, or decide, or change or attempt to control.”
That’s great news, Martha. You have been navigating uncharted territory for several years, and have been given some breathing room by your oncologist.
I feel that modern society demands that we have our lives planned out to the nth degree. Due to your unusual cancer, you were the recipient of an uncertain future which created a great deal of distress for you & your family. But it also produced insights and a body of work which has been a vehicle of support for you and for others.
Please continue chronicling your journey for us.
I love what you've written Martha! I was told in 1990 the first time I had cancer, I had a poor prognosis. So I was in my 30's, and that was a huge life shift. It took years to adjust that, maybe I wasn't going to die so fast, maybe I'd make it into my 40's, and then after a few weird blips...I did. I got it again in '14, again super aggressive, and they used a drug that wasn't even invented the last time I got sick and it saved my life, or rather I'm alive and surprisingly healthy, fit, and right now NED Cancer free. Not many people write about this disease the way you do and I was so glad to have found you on twitter in our cancer chat group. This seems like a really congenial place to connect!
Dearest Martha, I'm new to substack and I just read "Flipped" but can't find it anymore to comment on it. I've clicked "follow" for many reasons--I'm interested, or it's a writer i want to support, or this is something I believe it. I've never clicked "follow" because I genuinely didn't want to miss one single word coming from this person. But that's my feeling here. Thank you for sharing your insights. They matter. You are the embodiment of who I'm talking about here in my song "Don't Look Away." https://www.reverbnation.com/tinalear/song/2900374-dont-look-away
Great news! 💜💜
Thank you, as always, Martha, for your wisdom. We are all living on the edge of that knife but the dominant narrative seems (saying “seems” is me being polite 🤪) to want us deluded. I am so happy to learn your news and love your approach to Life. Much love to you💗